Out of the Fall of Discontent

and Into a New Beginning

       I've been standing on the sinking ground of menopausal life.  If you’ve breezed through it, write me and let me know how you did it.   For the rest of you ladies who have reached or will be reaching that pinnacle, or for those of you, who have managed to confront it, move past it, and live to tell about it another day, this article is for you. 

       I'm calling this upheaval in my life my fall of discontent, which I pray will lead to a new beginning. I have been mystified and horrified as of recently, whenever I walk past a mirror and encounter a figure and a face I do not know, or lean over to pick something up off the floor only to hear a slight moaning sound as I stand.  Could this person truly be me? Am I not more than my aches and pains and wrinkles? Has life become so stale, unfulfilling, and suffocating that things that used to matter don't anymore; and other, what were insignificant things, seem to take on paramount importance. Life is a question mark and I have become the small insignificant dot at the bottom. 

       Each day is filled with responsibilities. Cooking, cleaning, running to the grocery store, yard work, career –– it is all a part of everyone's existence. I used to run through the day with aplomb, admiring my accomplishments, never concerned that I couldn't handle whatever life handed out. But recently, there has been a weight inside me so heavy that there are days I feel I cannot even move.  I drag myself through the day searching for crumbs of joy with tear rimmed eyes, desperate for a reprieve.  I want to snap out of it.  I want things to feel like they did when I was twenty, thirty, even forty would do.  I have demanded my life go back to being "normal", but alas it laughs in my face. 

      So I sit, trying to define this person who I have become. I am many selves, the Pleaser, the Perfectionist, The Pouter.  I am the person who defines herself by others expectations of me.  I have always tried to be all things to all people, even upon occasion, forfeiting my true self to do what the Lord expects of me.  I lead a life of quiet desperation. Could I be so cliché to say I am experiencing a midlife crisis…at my age? Say it's not so. 

      I draw in a deep breath and try figuratively to slap myself into submission. Shouldn't this problem be easily fixed like pushing a button on your computer or microwave? Certainly other women don’t go through these trails. They are all stronger, cleverer, more vested in their life's accomplishments to ever look back and wonder, what if. Am I as uncommon as a butterfly in the winter, or like a butterfly am I merely in transformation?  Like Lewis Carrol said, “Who in the world am I? Ah, that’s the great puzzle.”  I simply worry I will not figure out the answer before the Lord calls me home.

       Oliver Wendell Holmes said, “Alas for those that never sing, but die with all their music in them.”   So many hearts and griefs that die unspoken, and give no sign as to their aching…let that not be me.  Luke 8:30 says,  “Jesus then asked him, “What is your name?” And he said, “Legion,” for many demons had entered him.”  I suppose that is how I feel.  My demons being hot flashes, mood swings, dryness, and having more of life behind me to reflect upon then ahead of me.  Snap out of it, I scream.  Put your back to the wind straighten those shoulders soldier, life could be worse. Yes, it certainly could.  I do not want to become a Pollyanna. But, I will pray for grace and courage and wisdom. I will take my days step by step into my new life, and be patient assured that the Lord is not finished with me. I will stay the course on this grand adventure “being confident of this, that he who began a good work in you will carry it on to completion until the day of Christ Jesus.” Philippians 1:6.   Amen, amen. So be it.

The Prayer (with lyrics)

I pray you'll be our eyes
And watch us where we go
And help us to be wise
In times when we don't know

Let this be our prayer when we lose our way
Lead us to a place
Guide us with your grace
To a place where we'll be safe

I pray we'll find your light
And hold it in our hearts

When stars go out each night
Remind us where you areLet this be our prayer
When shadows fill our day

Help us find a place, guide us with your grace
Give us faith so we'll be safe

A world where pain and sorrow will be ended
And every heart that's broken will be mended
And we'll remember we are all God's children
Reaching out to touch you
Reaching to the sky

We ask that life be kind, and watch us from above
We hope each soul will find another soul to love

Let this be our prayer
Just like every child
Who needs to find a place, guide us with your grace
Give us faith so we'll be safe

Vote With Discernment

                                      

As we rapidly approach Election Day, November 6^th, and if you’re like many American citizens, you’re contemplating the direction our country should take.  There’s a palpable sense of urgency that is so intense it can almost be felt. The feelings of the bipartisan divide are so wide and discernable that it manifests itself like a behemoth emerging from a deep slumber in the depths of the sea, and as it crashes to the surface it leaves a trail of disturbed water and particles stirring and bubbling in its wake.  Will our country ever be able to tame the wild beast?  I do not know. I am certain of some things though, and that is that our government, as it exists today, has gotten out of control.  We can all see the obvious spending, rules and regulations, and laws that have been forced down our throats; I’m surprised any of us can breath. However, I’m waiting for the ball to drop on all the other more shrewd and devious decisions being made on our behalf without our even knowing it.  What would our Founding Fathers think of this country if they saw: bills being passed before they are even read, copious riders attached to bills that not even the Cavalry could stop, colleges perpetrating the ideal of our country not being founded on Godly principles? As they listen to the so called, “ninety-nine percent”, saying the “one percent” have negative effects on society, would they ask, “did simple economics 101 fly out the window of common sense?”  Would they be dismayed that the idea of “pro choice” is only for those with a voice to hear, but silence that can only be heard from a mother’s heart is left to scream in the darkness…how far have we slid down that slippery slope?  Our Founding Fathers, I wouldn’t hesitate to say, would roll over in their graves and wonder why they gave their lives for freedom. Yell, if you must, curse those who you don’t agree with, but for our Country’s sake, take a stand! Vote.

Vote if you truly understand that the President and Congress do not have unlimited powers to provide for the general welfare of all, and should not! This only creates a nation of entitlement individuals who do not partake in the forward movement for the betterment of all, that everyone is obliged to contribute his share.  Our government was created and instituted by the people for their common good, protection, safety and prosperity, but when that government steps out of its intended role, it is an indefeasible right of the people to reform, alter, or totally change it. If you are capable of understanding and seeing the difference between right and wrong, true and false, virtue and vice within the government, then vote. If you grew up with the notion if you work hard and persevere dreams can come true. If exercising your inalienable right to work or not work, to spend or not spend, to live in a hole or in a palace, to speak your cause or hold your tongue, to practice your religion or not have any religion, then vote, because you can! 

However, if you believe the government is there to hold your hand, put food on your table, clothe you, house you, give you a car, pay for your education, and fix every boo-boo, then please stay home or contemplate moving to Greece, or the Czech Republic, or Cuba where their social commentary better reflects your needs. Please don’t drink the Kool-Aid, but try to recognize and acknowledge a government capable and strong and large enough to give you everything you need or want, is also capable, eventually, of taking it all away.  Freedom and Liberty once changed or lost can never be restored. If you are so blind, ignorant, or lazy that you cannot see this, recognize it, or want to change it, then may God have mercy on our country, and the direction it is headed.

“It is in vain, sir, to extenuate the matter. Gentlemen may cry, Peace, Peace²but there is no peace. The war is actually begun! The next gale that sweeps from the north will bring to our ears the clash of resounding arms! Our brethren are already in the field! Why stand we here idle? What is it that gentlemen wish? What would they have? Is life so dear, or peace so sweet, as to be purchased at the price of chains and slavery? Forbid it, Almighty God! I know not what course others may take; but as for me, give me liberty or give me death!   Patrick Henry

lib·er·ty/ˈlibərtē/  noun 1.the state of being free within society from oppressive restrictions imposed by authority on ones way of life, behavior or political views.

A sweet lesson on Patience (I'm not certain this event actually occurred, but I don't think that really matters. It's a life lesson worth learning. James 1:19-20)

Course Determinded

A PRECIOUS POEM BY JOHN N. BACHMAM, SR

John Bachman is an old friend and long time supporter of The Pocket Testament League. He is in his 80's. He wrote this poem in 1946, after getting out of the Navy, prior to entering college. It’s called "Course Determined".  We hope it blesses you as much as it has blessed us.

Course Determined

My dream is not of mansions large
  Of great financial gain;
Nor is it international praise
  My soul hopes to attain.

My heart cries out not for these things
  But has a higher goal
An aim which when I realize
  Will ever thrill my soul.

Things such as home and wealth and fame
  Have power to betray,
For many times we do forget
  These all must pass away.

Eternal things or things of God
  Are all that will endure
Beyond the realm of earthly life;
  Of this we all are sure.

Why then do temporary things
  Demand the best in man,
And things of God are cast aside
  As chaff before a fan.

Most people realize all too late
  That service for the King
Not only grants eternal gain,
  But daily blessings bring.

I know the course I want to take
  To some it will seem odd;
But O to lose myself within
  The Perfect Will of God!

Regardless where the path may lead,
  I’m willing Lord to go;
For Thou, I know, wilt care for me,
  As in Thy love I grow.

                            --- John N. Bachmam, Sr.
                                              1946

Tucker's Tale

There was a path, long forgotten, it began at the edge of a hill.

And the valley leading up to it was always quiet and still.

Trailing vines crawled over its entrance so nary a person could see.

And silent voices stirred from within, saying please come play with me.

But no one could hear and no one would know of the secrets kept within.

Until one day a small little puppy dared to venture in.

His name was Tucker, he was black and white and his nose was very small

But it could smell adventure from faraway whenever it would call

So coming across the path one day he pushed the leaves aside

And entered in one paw at a time to see what was inside

The path was filled with soft green moss and pebbles lined its edge

As soft quiet voices beckoned him on from somewhere over a hedge

He walked and walked and stopped at a place where the earth was warm and soft

And being tired he stretched and yawned and laid down at that very spot

To his surprise upon waking up a large tree there had grown

Beside where he had laid his head, he knew he wasn’t alone

For on it he could see a door and windows lined with lead

And sounds of laughter and clinking glasses echoed from within

Then without notice the door opened wide as a small Gnome gave a call

So up Tucker stood and closer came when at him they threw a ball

He had never played with Gnomes before, so he didn’t know what to expect

But wanting adventure and something to eat, he decided to take a step

In the door, and up some stairs, then the kitchen it was next

Where cabinets filled with scones and jam and crackers and cheese were fixed

A fireplace crackled and instruments played as Gnomes danced all around

So Tucker, intrigued, stayed and joined in to listen to the sights and sounds

Music played from ages past whose melody was quite spry

The lyrics echoed through the years saying never say goodbye

They laughed and they ate and told fables galore from times of long ago

And Tucker wished he could stay forever and never have to go

But the sun was setting; evening birds were calling for it was nearly night

So the Gnomes said adieu, and shook his paw, then turned off the lights

Tucker turned around three times, and curled up on a soft downy pillow

And faded into a restful sleep as the fireplace spit it’s last smoky billow

When daylight came and he opened his eyes in amazement he would be

For there he was in his own back yard near his favorite tree

Had it been real or only a dream, would it ever truly be known                       

But when he stood up, he saw on his paw a message they had sewn

On a small piece of wool embroidered with silk the words they were clear

I love this song. Just had to share it again.